Where’s my right-hand megastore?


Things ain’t looking so good from my morning trip to the ‘Burbs.
I try to stay away from there, but I’m as much of a megastore shopper as anybody. The thing is—I know I got my dog food somewhere before Petsmart, but where? Okay, I didn’t really go to PetSmart. (and I’m certainly not going to link to them.)

But there’s this new thing that I had to try: Bought some blank DVD’s at BestBuy.com and specified in-store pickup. ‘Cause, y’know, I’ve got 30-plus blank DVD’s but I need 50 more, right now… especially since P2P may get sued out of existence soon. I’ve got to get the entire Planet of The Apes oeuvre downloaded, right?

By the way, late morning is definitely the best time to cruise into suburban hell, I confirmed. Lots of people are either safely tucked away in their workplaces, or maybe they’re at home planning the big afternoon foray to the mall.

So there’s this quickie mart out there, and there’s a sign out front that says “Red Bull in stock, or yours is free!” Excuse me? What a fabulous tribute to the brain-rotting effects of too many Raging Bulls, eh? Just tell me where to go to get my free Red Bull that you don’t have in stock!

Next up, could it be a new Walgreens? Sure, pard’ner! One of the great surreal late-night spots (just visit any Walgreens at 3:30am and not see some kind of weirdness, while toe-tapping to the most neutralizing muzak mixture ever to dribble into your ears). The thing is, this sign: “Coming Soon! Walgreens!” is about a hundred yards down from—wait for it—a Walgreens. I guess this ones going to be even super-er than its predecessor.

I have to take my fair share of the blame for this bloat. Fleeing back downtown, I privately lamented the lack of a mega-grocery on the right-hand side of the road; Because I coudn’t be bothered to —you know—turn left to go to the mega-Krogers and just rolled on by.

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